OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
