You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Randomize
