Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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