New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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