Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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