Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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