He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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