After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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