no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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