drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize