Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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