I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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