At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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