i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
