Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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