She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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