It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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