Where are you?
In a non slutty way
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
