I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
