this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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