he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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