My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
