um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
