Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize