his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
