put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
