His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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