I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
