Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
