hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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