his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
