Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish my penis had a tongue
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
