Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
