why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
