So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
