I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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