and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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