Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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