we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
