woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
