Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize