I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
