I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
