I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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