hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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