Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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