I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
