Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize