you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
