I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Man, jail baloney is awful.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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