I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
