The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
