My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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