i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
