At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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