Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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