This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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