So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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