Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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