If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
