this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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