You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
