Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
