i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize