yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
