have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
