You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
