Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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