Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
