piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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