there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
