it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
