I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
