So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
