God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
