At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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