O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
