my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
did you just send me my own nude
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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