I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
