You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
