I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
