Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
