Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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