Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
