that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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