How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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