i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
