it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
