The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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