Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize