Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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