lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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